Ayahuasca: medicine or drug.

I am not a believer or a drug user. But here I am in the depths of the Amazonian rainforest knocking back a murky brown potion containing a psychoactive drug - under the supervision of a half-naked shaman who doesn’t speak a word of English. Curiosity and a lack of mystery meant exploring my consciousness and what it means to be entirely present or incapable of thinking beyond a precise moment. I’m not entirely sure possible but I’m hoping to expose some of my false certainties and view the world free from social construct and the limited perspective of my mind. In the mix, hopefully watching my Self deconstruct and reconstruct itself, ironically downloading quantum physics within a dream-like animation.

So here I am.

Under the guidance of an old jungle-man who prefers cuaderno or medicine man, I drink my first cup of ancient, spiritual Amazonian medicine- ayahuasca. This is how it plays out: Restless and eager, I find it hard to detach from my first world constraints and effortlessly relax into a state of meditation which of course, I know nothing about. The harem-wearers seem to comfortably transport themselves with ease while I’m jealously wriggling with frustration. Just as I’m reducing my medicinal beliefs to non-existent, the ayahuasca takes hold. And in it’s grasp I slowly become aware of the no gaps galaxy before my eyes and light blinking behind my eyebrows. My limbs twitch and fold into the ground, consuming any residual movement and numb without motor skills. The idea of being two separate entities dissolves without question, and my physical Self is separated from my mental, both starting to move spaciously through a dialogue of their own. Soft sounds fill my ear drums with noise. The jungle-man’s song; a loud concert and I’m standing centre stage. A warm coat of whitewash floods over my body and covers the graffiti that once tagged me still. Completely weightless, I attempt to articulate my disjointed thoughts and recreate my Self in a realm unknown. I let the invisible pass me by and take comfort knowing my experience is in fact my reality. Here and now. I’m the subject of my experience. I’m the thinker of my thoughts, the feeler of my feelings and the chooser of my choices. My thought-free state assumes no form and there’s no sense in believing consciousness is an object. Ayahuasca tells me that everything is known by and through my consciousness but it cannot itself be known as a thing. In trying to make sense of my awareness I also realise my ignorance is composed solely of beliefs. Over a few immeasurable hours i’ve come to know only one thing: I really don’t know. I’m starting to feel my own transparency. And at the same time, accept that the divine mystery cannot be experienced in a way that makes sense to my brain; the divine is infinite; and my brain is finite. So, from here I stop. I stop trying to cognitively grasp the infinite and rather try to understand what it means to be the mystery, experiencing the world as an imagined someone. What do I find when I look underneath the veil of my thoughts? Silence. An incredibly still, quiet, point of awareness and consciousness. What do I find when I become still and inquire without jumping at the next thought? I find mystery. Mystery beyond the limited perspective of my mind. And mystery beyond the fleeting concepts I once referred to as My Life, My Self, My Beliefs, My Relationships and Reality. My desire to understand the world has been given truth and my mind’s living architecture, given the opportunity to wander subjectively. Life is good.  

Big Sur

Rugged and relentless,
it rages and it roars.
A lavender-lined coast
with conversational peaks,
to sit and and explore,
contemplate
and imagine more.
The constant crash of waves below;
Big Sur is at present
the most welcome flow.

Oblivion

Your love for me,
a fragile bubble.
Poorly balanced on
the straw of life
with curiosity and courage
at its tip,
gone tomorrow.
Yesterday gone.
We fight
for our
freedom to explore;
no blankets or cushions,
a want to see more.
The future unknown,
The present unseen,
what we know and
what's always been
will no longer be.

Perspective

It's good to have.

Surveillance

"The U.S. government should investigate who ordered the raid, not journalists covering the war.” - Laura Poitras

I love ceviche

Ingredients:

2/3 cup fresh orange juice (get real oranges)

1/2 cup fresh lemon juice (get real lemons)

6 Tbs. fresh lime juice (get real limes)

Pinch of kosher salt

Pinch of sugar, or to taste

1kg. fish fillet (use something firm like Monk Fis, Bluenose or Snapper. Terakahi and cod are a no go as they will flake apart and be mushy)

12 cherry tomatoes, stems removed and quartered or get the big tomatoes but scoop out the insides and cube

2 ripe avocados, pitted, peeled and cubed

1/2 small red onion, slivered 

1/2 cup cubed cucumber or capsicum (you want a bit of crunch for texture)

2 serrano chilies, minced

4 Tbs. chopped fresh coriander

3 Tbs. olive oil

Directions:

In a nonaluminum bowl, stir together the orange, lemon and lime juices strained so there is no pulp. Season with salt and enough sugar to balance the acid of the citrus juices. Oranges are quite sweet at the moment so you won't need much sugar, you want enough acid to 'cook' the fish. Save some limes and lime juice to add just before serving. 

De-bone the fish and cut into small cubes about 1-2cm squared. Note, if you don't have at least 2 hours to marinate the fish, cut the fish into thin slivers as it will marinate faster. Add to the citrus juice mixture, immersing the fish completely. Cover and refrigerate for a few hours. You don't want to cook it too much but everyone has their preference on how long it should be marinated for.  

In a bowl, combine the tomatoes, avocado, onion, cucumber, chilies, to taste, and coriander and stir gently to combine. 

Once the fish is marinated and you are ready to serve it, transfer it to a colander and let drain for several seconds and squeeze out any excess liquid with your hands. Then add the fish to the other mixture and mix gently. Drizzle with the oil, add some more lime juice, taste and adjust the seasoning with salt.

Serve immediately. 

Racist taxi

Disgusting.

The kill decision shouldn't belong to a robot

I miss my hair

7 Blunders of the World

1. Wealth without work.
2. Pleasure without conscience.
3. Knowledge without character.
4. Commerce without morality.
5. Science without humanity.
6. Worship without sacrifice.
7. Politics without principle.

Spreading the love.

Hey you! Stuck out there in the cold. You want some soup?

A little bit of pretty for a rainy day

The best way to take portrait photography

Feel like you're missing out?

Sometimes I hold on for longer than necessary, just because I can't bear the thought of missing a crucial line or plot turn. Today I found an app that can alleviate all my fears - http://runpee.com/

It not only finds 3-5 minute spans that don't have crucial plot twists or funny lines for you to go to the bathroom but it even takes detailed notes about what happens during these scenes so you can read a synopsis of what you missed before you return.

Perfect.

Laura Mvula - Green Garden

Fun times as a punk

KSXXX

Sexual love is the most magical mystery our poor blind senses know. 

Jam packed

What stops you from taking the next step?

For me it's being overwhelmed by the hustle and bustle of everyday life. Sometimes it just doesn't make sense. I have no kids and very little responsibilities which brings me to the perils of the working week. Five days a week, 10 hours a day including travel time and a small amount more for getting ready. By the time I have cooked dinner and done the dishes, there is only a small portion of time left in the day. This time is so precious and mostly needed to unwind from the day, deeming it nearly impossible to get any real projects underway. It's a depressing reality working for the man and clocking 50 hours on something you don't really care for. So how do I make this 50 hours more amicable and of use to my own personal self? Change my attitude towards it? Look at the money and plan my travels? Do my own projects in work time? Quit? Get pissed off and annoyed at the rut?

Perhaps the most progressive approach will be changing my attitude, planning my travels and not wasting the precious couple of hours I have once the mechanical day is over.

Get to it. 

Terrifying faces of Olympic swimmers

These photos are brilliant.

The withered flower blooms again

Higgs Boson

"We have reached a milestone in our understanding of nature" Rolf-Dieter Heuer

Aww, I miss you Pavel

Went for a stroll on Mt. Eden

Animal scratching

Winter is not so bad

Our first geocaching trip

Not sure whether our happiness is due to finding the logbook treasure or being on an adventure together. Either way, it was a delightful afternoon in the Waitakeres.

Fiji inspiration

Some days, my job makes sense. Took this photo of a Fijian boy on the boat:

Went fishing for friends today

If only

A girl crush